I’m going to preface this blog post with this:
If you are not happy in your marriage, believe you’ve ‘given up’ everything to make it work, and post passive aggressive, ‘you should read this’, posts on Facebook about and/or tagging your spouse…then don’t read this.
I read an article today.
“Marriage Isn’t About Your Happiness” by Debra Fileta
“…but it’s nothing compared to the real costs of marriage…it will cost you yourself.”
Wait, what? If marriage is two becoming one, why would I give up myself?
“If you’re getting married with your own happiness as your main goal, you will be disappointed in a severe way.
Marriage is not about your happiness, it’s not even about you. It’s about love—which is something we choose to give time and time again. It’s about sacrifice, serving, giving, forgiving—and then doing it all over again.”
I totally agree! You shouldn’t be selfish in marriage, but none of the items listed above should be negatives. Love itself should bring happiness, right? If I place my spouse before myself and he places me before himself – it’s like magic and it just works.
“…often, we’re choosing “personal happiness” over real commitment, over real love.”
Um, you lost me. Why is happiness not a part of real love?
The article goes on (you did click to read it, right?) about forgiveness, time, heart, cleaning, love, listening, etc. Sharing the belief of “You before me. And we before I.”
I’m still good here, but the difference being you should WANT to do those things.
What gets me is the fact that this articles make it sound like such a sacrifice. Is that why people are miserable?
“Real love is not self-seeking, and it will always cost you. It will cost your heart, your time and your money. It will cost your comfort, your rights and your pride.”
My Thoughts on Marriage
It means different things for different people: what’s best for one team is different for another. Your marriage is going to look different than another couple, and that’s okay.
When you want the best for your spouse, then it’s not a sacrifice. If you are the best team, your spouse wants the same for you – that’s what makes it work.
Marriage is not 50/50 or any other unbalanced ratio. It is 100/100 – giving your best and your all, all the time.
Will it always be easy, perhaps not, but honesty and communication are powerful tools.
Do you know what happens when I share my crazy, sometimes selfish ideas with my husband (that’s right, we all have selfish ideas)? He supports me and he listens. Does he always agree, no. That’s where honesty and communication come in. I mean, sometimes I just have bad ideas.
I’m not giving up my crazy ideas though. I’m not giving up myself.
You know why? Because I’m giving 100%. I am who I am, flaws and all – and thank goodness I have a spouse that balances out my crazy.
I choose to be happy.